Ok, i know everyone including myself are worried about the state of things at the moment, worrying about finding a decent job, worried about workfare being a waste of time and sanctions looming over the right to make ends meet while providers rake in the money.
But, it in bad times i find that a little humour is the best pill even in the most dire of situations, so with the moderators acceptance let me take you away from it all for five minutes and give your head a rest.
I tend to see the funny side of things even when everyone will look at me and wonder what the hell I’m laughing at, but i will go to extremes sometimes just to give myself a giggle always at my own expense and never anything too serious.
My first Provider was charity based organisation, The Shaw Trust and being as cunning as I am, I arrived fifteen minutes early, where I made myself a coffee from the machine in the restroom section, noticing the tray of limp cucumber left by the staff who had eaten all the sandwiches, anyway after ten minutes the room had filled with fifteen or more people, when I noticed a young woman smiling at me and the guy next to her kept rubbing his nose constantly, I clicked that some of these people were mentally challenged and thought what a shame that they had to go through the same mill as myself, when a brassy middle aged woman opened the door and asked us all to come inside a classroom, I sat at the back, I like to see what’s going on, and she started to tell us that today we will find the difference between Upper case and Lower case letters, I thought that if it has come to this to find a job then I’m buggered, at this point a young lady opened the door and after an apology for the disruption asked for a Mr Mills at which point I sheepishly put my hand up and walked out with her, I had inadvertently joined a back to basics class for mentally challenged people and felt so stupid and embarrassed that I just wanted to go back to the class to join my new friends.
Next was my new provider the TNG, myself and ten others where sat down for an induction and the tutor informed us of his background where he had worked in HR at Kwik Save but had been made redundant and so had also been a "down and out" but had faith and taken a job as an Avon representative, pointing out that it doesn’t matter what you do, because ultimately it will lead to a better position. Straight away i laughed to myself but then it hit me, who is a "down and out"? I interrupted his story and said “with respect I’m not a down and out!” when he apologized for the bad choice of words, straight away i knew we were going to get on like a house on fire.
He chose one young lad to join him and told everyone that they were set in their ways and will now prove how easy it is to get a job, while he took the lad away to ring jobseekers direct, we all waited, when he came back the young lad was spinning with a mixture of confusion and glee at the same time, we were told that he had just been offered a job and has an interview in the morning and so you see, its that easy. At a break period I asked the young lad what job he had and he said it was fifteen hours a week broken up as a relief pot washer on the other side of Manchester, I asked him if he realised that he would be spending most of his wages on transport and another fifteen hours per week travelling time to boot, his face dropped. When we went back in, my new buddy asked me if things were ok, so I thought I would stretch our new relationship a little further and asked if he could ring up on my behalf for a job forty hour a week at seven pound an hour within ten miles radius, he told me to sit down as I was spoiling it for everyone else.
He then told us the story of "Carol" a young girl who went to Clarks the shoe shop and while waiting to hand her C.V. in to the manager started picking up the shoes on the floor and tidying them up neatly back on the shelves, he said she was noted for this and because of her actions got the job! Great! but again me being me asked which branch was this and is she still there? with a serious face of exclamation, he said he had read it and forgotten the details.
The next day i had thought about what he had said and gave him credit to aspiring himself from an Avon rep to a tutor, there must be something in his thinking, so of to JJb sports i went, i was bored one afternoon, and armed with my C.V. i asked to see the manager, while a young girl told me to hang on, i started to pick up a load of footballs and basketballs and attempted to put them neatly on the shelves at which point i got a blasting from the manager asking what the hell i was doing! then accordingly asked to leave!
Your thinking that i would be better off claiming ESA for mental health reasons, but it made me laugh for two whole days.
At the next meeting we were all asked to jot down a list of things needed for a "jobseekers toolbox" again this tickled me but i thought i would play along, and flashing to my head was the thought of a shotgun and a porn mag, but no, i wrote down the obvious, C.V. Computer, daily paper, then got bored until i saw a young lad write down, "a watch" i asked what was that for and he replied to get him to an interview on time! Well this cracked me up, especially when the tutor told him it was a good idea and that it showed he was thinking about it.
While trying to keep my eyes dry, a beautiful big lady next to me grabbed the communal pen and wrote down her thought of what would be the best thing in her "jobseekers toolbox"
She wrote " A decent fella or a fukin babysitter!"
I nearly fell of the chair with laughter and with a stern face she asked me what i was laughing at, which made it even more hilarious.
Not sure what the link is here but it made me think of World War 11 when German officers asked a row of British prisoners did any of then have any special skills that would help the German movement, when one guy stepped forward while the officer smirked and the British comrades fumed with disgust, he was asked what skill he had that would be beneficial to the third Reich, he said calmly "I'm a grave digger sir!"
So there you go, different people with the same hats, don’t let hem get to you and always keep your sense of humour, its free and no one can sanction it!.. Jimi.
